Sometimes – okay, all the time – I want to write about something, but I can’t quite figure out how it fits into this blog. Often, I’ll jot down the idea, which then languishes on my list of post ideas until I forget what inspired it in the first place. Other times, I’ll stretch things just a bit… forcing a round peg into a square hole (do I have that backwards?) and hoping you’ll indulge me. Today is one of those days. Let’s all say some affirmations together and hope it works out, okay?
What’s today’s topic? Well, it’s about space. A few friends shared this video on Facebook, and I just knew I had to say something about it. Hang in there. There’s a dog connection at the end for the patient among you…
I’m not really sure what the male-female ratio is among you, dear readers, but I do know that the majority of my commenters seem to be women. So, ladies… I’m kind of talking to you today (but all are welcome to join the discussion). Have you ever thought about how a woman often feels obligated to accommodate others, to make herself smaller in a public space, or to apologize for asking questions and stating her opinions? Or, truthfully, to apologize for existing. (You know you’ve apologized to someone when they ran into you.) I never used to think about it. Now, I think about it all the time. (Well, when I’m not busy worrying about this.)
Maybe you learned to do these things without even realizing it. I was fortunate to grow up in a family full of strong women who taught me that it was okay to be loud and to carve out my place in the world. Nonetheless, I’m not immune to this stuff. I’ve fallen victim to these pitfalls too. It’s a tough world out there, even with badass female role models by your side.
After watching the video I mentioned above, I couldn’t stop thinking about how these are all, to some degree, learned behaviors. We do pass them down from generation to generation. As I sat there, trying to formulate a coherent thought, inspiration hit – in the form of a very lazy dog. Basically, she looked something like this:
This is my sleep space…
I found myself thinking (not for the first time) that it would be nice to be Bella. Generally, dogs seem to have no problem taking up as much space as they damn well please. In fact, most dogs I’ve met – male and female – are basically furry versions of men taking up too much space on the train (minus the problematic privilege issues). I suspect that dogs are actually made of some sort of gas that expands to fill the space available. They’re the animal equivalent of urban sprawl.
So, I guess what I’m saying is… channel your inner bitch. Be like Bella. You deserve to take up some space. That space is lucky to have you. Don’t let the world squeeze you into a little box. The sides of your metaphorical dog bed can only hold you in if you let them. Stretch a little. Be a gas. Expand. Own your sprawl. Bark.
See, I told you there was a dog connection.
In any event, I probably owe you lots of puns and silly links after this digression… tune in tomorrow and you shall be rewarded.
I’ve been one of those women for much too long, with no good role models. But I’ve been healing and learning to take up that space and not feel like I have to excuse myself for it.
Thank you for this post! I really needed to hear it!
24 Paws of Love recently posted..Brut Surfing at 8 months old
You’re welcome! After watching that video, it’s clear we can all use a reminder that we’re deserving of some space too.
I am clearly one of those woman, I will say sorry before I say anything else. Even when I have done nothing wrong. I had great role models, but being bullied by my boss at my first proper job meant that now I am not in a position where I stand up for myself.
I did at first but the situation just got worst. Now I spend a lot of time trying to be invisible.
It’s so hard not to do that, Lauranne. I know I’ve caught myself doing it too.
I’m so sorry to hear that your boss is (was?) such a bully. 🙁 *hugs*
I sent Mom to Bloggy Boot Camp last weekend and they spent a bit of time on this very subject and how women should not be doormats, should not say I’m sorry for everything, not be afraid to say “no” to others. Quite interesting!
emma recently posted..Outdoor Indoor Fun | GBGV | Fitdog Friday
Sounds like a very interesting Boot Camp!
Yay! I’m a big fan of Go Kaleo, who actually wrote a book called Taking Up Space about diet and exercise for women. She’s trying to go against the idea women get sucked into that we all need to be losing weight all the time. “I’d be happier if I lost five more pounds” etc.
But the mental stuff is all part of the same game.
Jessica recently posted..A Mistake
I’ll have to look that book up!
I hadn’t seen that video on Facebook, but I’m so glad you shared it here. I have so much to say about her poem – more than can reasonably fit in a comment – but thanks for posting it! I am a compulsive apologizer. My darling husband is trying to break me of that habit. For every extraneous apology, he says, “Why?” Which makes me stop. Think. Hmm. Okay, I’m not sorry! 🙂 It’s a work in progress…
Maggie recently posted..The answers
Great post. Yes, there is so much we can learn from our pups – even expanding and not apologizing.
I saw a lot of women sharing this on Facebook too… but ya know what would be really great??? If some men started sharing it like crazy and posting comments like “Wow, maybe I expand a little TOO much. Maybe I should try apologizing every once in a while. Maybe I could shrink just a tiny bit now and then.” I don’t think that’s gonna happen though.
Jackie Bouchard recently posted..Follow Up Friday: More Questions than Answers
I agree, Jackie! If it makes you feel better, one of my college professor friends (a male) mentioned that he was going to show it to one of the psych classes he teaches.
It’s hard to be a strong woman when you haven’t had strong female role models and work in a “good ole boy” world. But why is it when women assert themselves they are bitches, but guys do it all the time?
Jodi recently posted..I Spy With My Little Eye