Adventures in Fur-tility: Pets as practice for children?

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(Alternate post title? What to expect when you’re deflecting.)

Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

At the dog park | biologicalclockie.com

Courtesy of my new webcomic – click to check it out!

I’m not going to ask for a show of hands, but I have a feeling plenty of us have been on the receiving end of this sort of comment.  After all, there are people who think any plans for your uterus are fair game for conversation.  (It’s called uterUS because we’re all in this together. As a society. Or something.)  And obviously any and all choices you make in life are geared toward your eventual role as parent.  (Ladies and their universal desire for babies, am I right?)

When you put those two together, the only conclusion is that you adopted a pet to practice your nurturing skills.  Sort of a placeholder until you can fulfill your biological destiny – keep a plant and a pet alive, and then you’re obviously ready for parenthood.

I’m often at a loss regarding how to respond to this sort of nonsense. (Or I think of the perfect Jerk Store comeback later, a la George Constanza.) A withering stare is always appropriate.  I’d also vote for a blunt and snarky comment about how rude this whole topic is.  Or perhaps one of these?

  • “You’re right.  Having a pet really has prepared me for parenthood.  If crate and clicker training worked for Spike, it will work for a baby.”
  • “Not only am I getting some practice in, I also have a reliable vet and groomer already lined up for my baby.”
  • “Oh, crap.  I think I did this backwards. I had a kid for a few years as practice for my pet, but I gave her up when I got the kitten. Wonder what happened to her.”
  • “So many good lessons.  If my kid cries when I leave the room, I’ll just toss him a Kong filled with peanut butter to distract him.”
  • “I figure I should practice it all – so once Fluffy turns 18 and can finally move out, then I’ll be ready for kids.”
  • “How dare you!  That’s not a dog. It’s a kid wearing a designer faux fur bodysuit.”

Anyone have a good response to this question? Share yours in the comments!

(Don’t forget to swing by Biological Clockie and check out my new comic!  You can also follow along on Facebook and Twitter.)

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The elephant in the womb?

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Please forgive me for that post title. It was the best of the worst, so just be thankful I spared you the others. Working titles included “the birth of an animation” and “make way for chucklings.” I told you they were bad.

However, the title seemed fitting, in a way. After all, it’s no secret. Over the past year or so, posts here have been infrequent. I can imagine that finding new content here could sometimes feel as unlikely as finding a Golden Ticket in your Special K.

Okay, maybe that’s not the best example. That Golden Ticket was nothing but trouble, unless you relish the idea of turning into a blueberry or almost drowning in a river of chocolate. I’m hoping that new posts here aren’t having that effect on you.

Anyway, I digress. (Big surprise, right?) I wanted to talk a little bit about my absence and let you know that my time away from you has not been in vain. I’ve FINALLY accomplished one of my goals for 2015 (and 2014 and 2013)…

I launched that webcomic I kept talking about! So, I finally followed through on that promise (or made good on that threat, depending on your point of view) and got some of the ideas out of my brain and onto (virtual) paper.  It’s out in the world, and it’s just getting started.

It’s called Biological Clockie, and she really wants to be your new BFF (Best Frenemy Forever):

  • The webcomic lives here – you’ll find new comics on Mondays and Thursdays.
  • You can sign up to get new comics by email using the form in the right sidebar on the BC website.
  • If you’re more of a feed reader kind of person, sign up here.
  • Biological Clockie has her own Facebook page and Twitter profile too – follow for updates, funny stuff, and more.

So, that’s the big news here.  I hope you’ll stop by and check out my new site – I’d love to hear your thoughts! After all, how could you resist finding out more about this face?

She's waiting for you...

She’s waiting for you…

Working on the comic has also helped me start finding my blogging mojo too, so I’ll probably be posting more regularly here as well.  It’s win-win (for me at least).

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My dog, the cartoon character

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I took Tavish to the vet last month. While we were there, he got a nail trim. The vet tech asked me if he runs around a lot of corners, because his nails had worn in a slanted fashion.

I recently took him in for another nail trim, after which I was informed that the nails on one side of his body were also noticeably longer than on the other.

Apparently, my dog spends a lot of time revving himself up and sliding around corners like some sort of Hanna-Barbera cartoon come to life. I still can’t quite figure out why this has made him lopsided, however. We don’t have any one way signs in our house, so he’s free to take corners from any and all directions, after all.

What gives?

via giphy.com

Oh, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t leave this here, given recent events:

via giphy.com

Woohoo!

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How do you measure a year?

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It’s been a year today since I said goodbye to my best gal. It’s hard to believe that a whole year has passed. How has it been that long since she was here?

Bella via wantmorepuppies.com

When we were young…

I struggled to find the words for today’s post. Rather than force it, I’m going to go get some Tavish snuggles and reminisce about my Bella.

Missing that face today and every day.

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Pugs? Just Say Yo

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I recently bought an awesome new t-shirt that says “Pugs Not Drugs.”  (It’s from a cool organization I just discovered – the Chris Atwood Foundation.  Obviously, Manly the Pug is doing some good work out there.)

Pug life, yo.

I can’t argue with that message, and it got me thinking (a dangerous prospect, I realize).  What other societal ills could we get rid of with rhyming dog breeds?   Continue reading →

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Further adventures of a crazy dog lady…

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Tavish joined our family almost three years ago.  In that time, I’ve never had to actually give him a bath… until last week.

Generally, Tavish goes to the groomer and just requires some freshening up between appointments.  I’ve always been pretty content with this arrangement, especially because the little dude is scared of water.  I had no desire to be the one inflicting aquatic torture on him.

Sadly, our streak has been broken.  Last Monday, he managed to find something to roll in, which resulted in his first journey to the guest bathtub (a location that Bella visited many times in the past).

That brings us to Thursday morning…

Dog tweets

Dog day bath-ternoon… er, morning.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, I think I just wrote a (relatively short) novel.  I’m obviously living my best life before 6 AM, y’all.

Have no fear – this story has a happy ending. The offending stinky stuff has been removed.  It was larger than Tavish, and its source remains unclear.  I guess this means we’re leaving the door open for a sequel.

(I decided this week that it’s time to get back into the blogging groove.  Seriously.  I know I’ve said this before… but this time, I’m going to try to ease in by setting a manageable goal for myself.  I’m going to start with at least one new post per week. Here’s hoping it works… we shall see!)

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36 punny headlines about the runaway llama drama

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via giphy.com

Did you see the story about the runaway llamas?

The story was blowing up Twitter, of course.  I imagine that office productivity was way down this afternoon, but office worker morale was probably way up.  Seems like a fair tradeoff. Happy minions are useful minions, after all.

That being said, we all know that there is going to be an attempt by various news outlets and Interwebz pundits to write some clever headlines and comments about this high-steed chase.  (It’s gold, Jerry. Gold.)  Some of those attempts will be more successful than others, no doubt.

In addition, many puns will be taken quickly, and it will become challenging to think of new ones.

Accordingly, I feel that it’s my part as a lover of puns to provide these brave souls with some headline options.  You are welcome to these, llama fans.  (Though how about a shoutout to your girl over here?)

Without further ado:

  1. Llama nightmare dressed like a daydream
  2. The Llamazing Chase
  3. Llama splice
  4. Save the drama for your llama
  5. Llamas on prime
  6. O-llama-care
  7. Llama be, llama be, llama llama llama be
  8. Llama said knock you out
  9. Llama-ha!
  10. Llama llama llama chameleon
  11. Llamatic irony
  12. Llama told me (not to run)
  13. Llama believer
  14. Llamalready gone
  15. Llama do my thang
  16. Llamagotchi
  17. Who gives an F about an Oxford llama?
  18. Llama he’s crazy
  19. Llamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys
  20. Llama’s broken heart
  21. Llama sutra
  22. She’s a bad llama jama
  23. Llama mia!
  24. Llamall about that chase
  25. Llama gonna get you sucka
  26. If llama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy
  27. Llama just leave this here
  28. Llama going to Disney World
  29. Llama-stay
  30. Futur-llama: Good news, everyone!
  31. Llama keep going to the river to pray
  32. The llamaculate reception
  33. Llamada Inn
  34. Llamall dressed up & nowhere to go
  35. Llamigration reform
  36. Llamaican me crazy

I’m spent… but I do it all for you.

via giphy.com

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