Have you ever wondered about the Michelin Man’s real name?  Or if Mr. Clean has a first name?  If the mystery of Comic Book Guy’s real name has been keeping you up at night, say farewell to insomnia.  This article on CNN is for you – it reveals the real names of several fictional characters.  Both interesting and useful, in my opinion.  I always like to keep my brain cells filled with bits of random trivia – after all, you never know when a spontaneous game of Trivial Pursuit will occur.

Stick with me here… it’s tangent time.  The aforementioned article reveals that even the Pillsbury Dougboy has a real name: Poppin’ Fresh.  This news is not new to me… I learned it around the time I heard that the Geico cavemen were getting a sitcom.  If starring in a sitcom is so easy that a caveman could do it (though history would prove that it was, in fact, not that easy), then couldn’t other advertising luminaries make the move as well?  From this simple question, the following imaginary TV shows were born.  (Around that time I created an anonymous blog, posted a few times, and promptly forgot about it… however, I’ve resurrected these ideas from that failed attempt just for you.)

• Pop ‘n’ Fresh – The Pillsbury Doughboy (“PD” for short), fresh out of culinary school, gets a job at a local bakery.  The pay is low, so he finds a room to rent on craigslist.  His roommate?  None other than the cantankerous Michelin Man (and fan favorite, the Michelin Dog), who works as a bouncer at the local pub.  Wackiness ensues, as the series takes a page from How I Met Your Mother and tells the story of how a young PD met his wife, one Mrs. Poppie Fresh.  I picture this on CBS, maybe on Monday nights.  The series will officially jump the shark when the Fresh family’s two children are added to the cast.
• Yo Quiero a Comeback – This one is a faux-reality show inspired by HBO’s The Comeback.  Once everyone’s favorite spokesdog (with all apologies to Spuds McKenzie and Suds McDuff), chihuahua Gidget has been unable to find further success in Hollywood.   Although the Taco Bell campaign launched her career, it’s now holding her back.  Aside from a few Geico commercials and a brief appearance in Legally Blonde 2, she’s been unable to find work.  Her mentor, Moose (Eddie of Frasier fame), passed away a few years ago, and no one has stepped in to fill the void.  No directors are willing to take a chance on her, but then the reality show producuers come knocking… Expect Entourage-style cameos from other famous canines.  Definitely a single-camera show, perhaps best suited to NBC’s Thursday night lineup.
• Rabbit’s Run – Years of species-based discrimination have pushed the Trix Rabbit too far.  He’s been buying Trix on the black market for years, which has resulted in a dangerous sugar addiction.  The Rabbit has dreams of moving up the ladder from sugar junkie to power player in the sugary underworld.  (Mmmm… sugary underworld.)  Tag line:  “Be careful who you call a silly rabbit.”  Perfect for Fox, no?

TV execs out there (of which I’m sure so many read this blog), you’re welcome.  If one of these shows ever appears on the air, I better get a cut of the profits.