I’d be lying to you if I said that I knew what I wanted to write about for this edition of Blog the Change for Animals. However, I recently read a story that supplied the thesis* for today’s post. That thesis?

Don’t be an idiot.

(A secondary thesis? Don’t do things that make me roll my eyes. It makes my eyes hurt. I don’t like it when my eyes hurt.)

So, let’s get to it. The story that inspired today’s post sounds too stupid to be true. Our tale begins with the return of a dog named Misty to a high-kill shelter. Want to guess the reason? I bet you can’t.

Seriously, you’ll never guess it. Someone returned Misty to a high-kill shelter for farting too much.

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Are you kidding me? I guess poor Misty had the bad luck to be adopted by the one human who has never emitted a whiff of gas from his or her behind. What rotten luck. If only she had been adopted by a normal human being who was able to tolerate the occasional odors and happenings of daily life…

(My alternate theory is that Misty was adopted by a robot who was not programmed to understand bodily functions. Thus, the farting “did not compute,” as they say. As such, processing chips and circuits were quickly becoming overloaded trying to work out this puzzle. Robot lives hung in the balance.)

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In any event, that brings me to the point of today’s post.

Dear everyone who is considering adopting an animal, already has an animal, or might one day look at a photograph of an animal:

Please remember one simple thing. You’re not perfect. Your dog (or cat or turtle or goldfish) isn’t going to be perfect either. Cut them some slack. Try to work with them on their problems. (Also, consider whether something is really a “problem” or if you were unknowingly turned into a robot that cannot comprehend the messy business of being a living being.) Try to put yourself in their shoes (er, paws). After all, how would you feel if someone returned you for being a little stinky? You’d feel pretty darn crappy (pun intended).

I don’t like to traffic in bright line rules – as I believe most situations are fact-specific – but I feel comfortable in pulling on my judgy pants and declaring that farting too much is the stupidest reason to return a dog that I have ever heard or – possibly – will ever hear. (I’d also note that training solves a multitude of issues, although I don’t think anyone has managed to train away farting. If so, I’m sure there are a lot of humans that should be enrolled in that training program as well.)

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Listen, I’m not unreasonable.

Not every problem has a solution, and not every situation will work out. I get that. (Disclaimer: there is a solution to dealing with your dog’s farts. That solution is to deal with it.)

If it doesn’t work out, think carefully about what will become of this furry being that you promised to take care of. (Getting sent to death row for being a little bit gassy seems a bit extreme, don’t you think?)  Choose your path forward with that in mind. That’s not a lot to ask, is it?

To sum up, don’t be an idiot. Think before you unknowingly become the subject of an angry blog post. Treat animals (including the human ones) the way you’d like to be treated. Against all evidence to the contrary, I still have faith in you, humanity. Don’t let me down.

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*Alternate post titles: “Let he who is without gas return the first dog” or “Those that fart in glass houses shouldn’t throw bones”

Anyway… if you’d like to read some truly thoughtful and inspiring posts (as opposed to my rambling excuse of an entry), stop by the blogs below. They’re also participating in Blog the Change today, and they are truly a breath of fresh air (as opposed to my post full of hot air).

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